The
Ultimate Guide
To Fighting and Winning
By Dr. Russ Horine, President, Fight-Fast Direct, Inc.
Part 19
The 4 Non-Verbal Channels
There
are four areas or “channels” that you can purposely
“manipulate” in your nonverbal communication -- Physical Presence, Expressions, Gestures,
and Sound. Now a lot of people take offense
at that word “manipulate”. Get over it if you can. Because
the benefits derived from effectively controlled non-verbal
signals (Power Signals) are HUGE.
If
you still have problems with it, think of it like this.
Torn jeans and a t-shirt may be your favorite outfit,
but would you wear that to a job interview? Probably
not. Why? Because you are attempting to (gasp)
“manipulate” the interviewer by purposely controlling
your non-verbal communication. (“What
kind of manipulating creep are you?”)
Alright…
enough said. Let’s go over the first of the four
“non-verbal” channels – Physical Presence.
Physical Presence:
This is your
appearance, posture, and use of space. Dress may seem
obvious as I just pointed out, but posture is also an element in communicating
your emotional state.
Posture
– or the way you “stand”, sit, or carry yourself --
generally conveys how much interaction you desire, your
particular reaction to an individual, and your current
level of self-confidence. There are two
main elements of posture: your physical
orientation and the position
you adopt.
For
example, body lean is the best indicator of a person’s involvement in the situation.
If you are face to face with the person you are speaking
with and maintain an open body position with a slight
forward lean, you’re conveying an interest in that person
and a desire to continue interaction. If, on the other
hand, your orientation is at an angle to the other person
and you’re maintaining a closed body position, you’re
conveying a lack of self-confidence, or a desire to
end the encounter.
Use
of space is the last component that conveys your physical
presence. It relates to how space is utilized and occupied,
particularly the distance between people. To increase
the perception of you’re “alpha-ness”, you’ll want to
pay close attention to your posture and your use of
space. Alphas are not all that concerned about violating
another’s personal space because, the way the Alpha
sees it, it’s all his room anyway.
Here
are some more “Physical
Presence” tips to being an Alpha.
- Darker
color clothing, uniforms, and clothes that emphasize
height will increase the perception of dominance.
- Portray
power and confidence by standing
square to the other person, and maintaining
a wider foot stance than normal.
- Lean
forward while speaking and then straighten while listening.
- Interact
at a closer distance than normal and claim more personal
territory through your posture and sweeping gestures.
- When
entering an establishment (bar, restaurant, etc),
pause at the door and take a look over the entire
place. When seated, don’t be concerned about “taking
up room” (maybe by slinging your arm across the chair
next to you).
- Alphas
are always in motion, rarely sitting absolutely still
for any length of time.
Expressions:
During a
confrontation almost all of your adversary’s attention
will be focused on your face – so your facial expressions will be their main
source of information. So it’s important to understand
what you’re actually saying with your face and eyes
so you can effectively control your nonverbal communication.
There
are a few things you can concentrate on that will give
a lot of control over your nonverbal communication.
Here they are:
1.
Neutralize your expression. Alphas typically have
extremely controlled facial expressions. Someone who
is perceived to be highly dominant is very good at neutralizing
any hint of emotion from their face.
2.
The Eyes: This is huge. I’m sure you’ve heard that
the eyes are the “gateway to the soul” and in many ways
that’s true. Research shows that the eyes are the most effective “tell” of
a persons emotions, level of interest, arousal,
or attentiveness. The eyes also play an important role
in persuading and influencing the attitudes of others.
Now
it’s tough to try and consciously control everything
that’s happening with your eyes and still remain sane
– so we’ll concentrate on the big stuff.
Subtle
eye movements can communicate enormous amounts of information
to your adversary. It’s all going on subconsciously,
so it almost seems like “voodoo” or something. But believe
me, there’s no witchcraft or magic going on here. As
I’ve said, this is all based on science and observation
– and I’ll bet you’ll find it as fascinating as I did.
Anyway
this “Visual Dominance Ratio” (VDR as it’s called in the world of geeks),
is a reliable index to the amount of power one individual
possesses over another. It seems as though nature has
endowed eyes with the ability to encode power and dominance.
Visual dominance can be measured and expressed as a
ratio. The VDR is a measure of the percentage of time
looking - while speaking, relative to the time spent
looking - while listening.
As
the level of making eye contact while speaking increases,
and the level of making eye contact while listening decreases, your visual dominance ratio goes
up. In fact, communicators who exhibit a high VDR of
55/45 (55% making eye contact while speaking to 45%
eye contact while listening) are perceived to be significantly
more powerful communicators than those with a moderate
VDR of 25/75.
Okay…
maybe I’m getting a little too technical here, so I
want to you consider this in real world terms for a
moment. Think about a person you personally knew who
commanded a great deal of power and respect. Maybe
an old boss. Now, honestly, did he hang on your
every word? Probably not.
While you talked he often looked away, maybe even worked
on something else while you were trying to make an important
point. On the other hand when he spoke to you he practically
burned a hole in your head with his eyeballs. These
are Alpha characteristics.
So
if you want to send out alpha-signals you’ll have to
start paying attention to your own eye contact patterns
while talking and listening. Looking away while speaking
(gaze aversion/gaze avoidance) can be disastrous for
your Alpha standing – especially a downward averted
glance. Looking downward is universally recognized as
a sign of weakness and submission to another. Individuals
who exhibit consistent gaze avoidance or gaze omission
are presumed to be afraid to look at others. These individuals
are judged to have minimal leadership capacity and are
usually relegated to the low-status category.
To
establish a high Alpha ranking (or a high VDR) you must spend a larger
percent of the time making eye contact while speaking
than you do while listening.
As
the VDR formula suggests, too much eye contact at the
wrong time can also decrease perceived power and status.
Continual eye contact and attention while being spoken
to equates to lower power and status because it looks like you’re
“hanging on their every word”. Eye contact while listening
is showing interest in what is being said and granting
permission to the other communicator control over the
conversation. While this is very beneficial behavior
for increasing the gamma-signal, it enhances the other
person’s alpha-signal while diminishing your own. When
it comes to establishing dominance or power, you must
remember that it’s a zero-sum game. You either win or
you lose the Alpha game.
So
to send Alpha-signals, you need to:
- Effectively
neutralize emotional expression…
- Eliminate
the downcast and shifty eyes…
- Make
sure you’re making more eye contact while speaking
than when listening…
- Avoid
visual attentiveness to individuals who compete with
you for dominance.
Also,
when greeting an individual avoid the “eyebrow flash”
(raising your eyebrows up and down quickly during initial
eye contact, is a gamma signal), an open mouth expression,
or winking. Instead, mutual glances, or a simple smile
prove to be successful greetings that don’t yield power.
Til next time…
Regards,
Dr. Russ Horine
Fight-Fast, Inc.
“If you look like a rabbit, and act like a rabbit, you will be treated
like a rabbit
– prey for all predators.”
– Stony Brook
|
