The
Ultimate Guide
To Fighting and Winning
By Dr. Russ Horine, President, Fight-Fast Direct, Inc.
Part 23
Developing
Your Internal Triggers:
Picture this. An electrician is standing
on a step-ladder working on a ceiling light. There’s
bare wires exposed and he asks you “Is the light switch turned off?”.
What’d think would
be his reaction if your answer was “well… kind of…”?
He’d probably get off the ladder and check for himself.
He can’t put his safety on the line. The switch is either
on or it’s off. There’s no gray area about it.
That’s exactly how
you need to think about your “Internal Triggers”. You
set up your switches beforehand and when one of them
is tripped, you automatically take some kind of action.
The point is to be mentally prepared with personal guidelines
in place to deal with a confrontation BEFORE it ever
takes place. Grappling with these questions during a
confrontation is like trying to “figure out” where the
rip-chord is after you’ve jumped from the plane (“hmmm…
where is that darn thing…”) Yeah… you got it… splat.
So I’ve developed
a list of questions that are a good way for you to start
laying the groundwork for your internal triggers. Take
your time and think through scenarios. Make up your
mind about what would trip your trigger and what you’d
do… then solidify your decisions and internalize them.
Because my own research – as well as my own life experiences
-- shows that “lack of confidence” is actually a “lack
of knowing what to do”.
Think about that
for a moment.
Consider the things
in your life that make you feel insecure. Doesn’t it
almost always boil down to simply not knowing exactly
what to do? Be honest with yourself. Because it’s impossible
for this book… a video… or any form of man or beast
to change you into the kind of confident, decisive man
you want to be -- without
your cooperation.
So I developed the
following questions – and I want you to dig deep on
these. This is where “knowing exactly what to do” begins.
It transcends fighting because it develops a sense of
“knowing exactly what do to” that touches every aspect
of your life. People will start noticing “something
different” about you. They can’t quite put their finger
on it, but they like what they see.
1.
What’s
worth fighting for?
We tend
to be committed if the reason is “bigger” than us. Stuff
like protecting a child… a woman crying for help… a
family member in danger. These are bread-and-butter
reasons for which most guys are willing to fight.
But
– like I suggested – you’ve got to “dig deeper”. It’d
be nice if the world was this black and white. You’ve
got to ferret out those gray areas and turn them into
black and white in your own mind. Don’t leave this to
chance. Start the process. Do you fight when insulted?
How bad does the insult have to be? What about verbal
threats?
Now
I personally know enough about “taking care of business”
to seriously hurt (even kill) someone if absolutely
necessary. I’ve got nothing to prove, so I don’t fight
over embarrassments or slights. If I’m insulted I stay
cool… perform a quick inventory of his open targets…
check for anything in his hands… glance around for any
of his “buddies”… escape routes… nearby “improvised
weapon”… recheck open targets… and so on.
I
occasionally smile. He has no idea. I like that.
I
don’t reveal my cards until it’s
absolutely necessary, and in most cases it’s
never necessary. There are a lot of idiots
that aren’t worth my time (or yours). I leave it at
that.
On
the other hand, if I were in the position of platoon
sergeant ordered to lead men up “hamburger hill” under
heavy fire, then simply shrugging off a direct insult
would most definitely damage my ability to lead. I would
fight (and risk death) against any man challenging me
at that moment only because of the incredibly high stakes
involved.
My
point is that fighting for dignity is not something
that can always be dismissed.
Of
course that leads to the question…
2.
When
is “saving face” worth fighting for?
As I’ve
suggested on more than one occasion, there are times
when maintaining “Alpha” leadership and control are
imperative. Cops, soldiers, high-level management, and
other such situations require that you can command a
place in your subordinates mind. This standing or authority
can be easily shattered by “backing down” when challenged
and so sometimes fighting is necessary if you want to
maintain that status. It’s called “protecting future
loss”.
Let
me give you another example. “Dennis” (this is a true
story) is a senior fire fighter responsible for “managing”
the response crew at the scene of 911 emergencies. He
and the crew face dangerous and volatile situations
where people can and DO get killed. Fires, health crises,
chemical spills, shootings, car accidents, you name
it, they respond to it. So it’s imperative that police,
paramedics, and especially his fellow firefighters follow
his orders without question. It isn’t some cool “macho”
game – this is absolutely necessary. Without a clear
“pecking order” of decision-makers, chaos, panic and
death can easily rule the day in an emergency. This
isn’t theory.
Okay…
so during a dinner at the firehouse, one young rookie
fireman (a “big dumb kid” as he was described) made
numerous subtle cutting remarks to Dennis. Hmmm… seems
innocent enough. A couple of good natured “put-downs” to add some light humor to
the firehouse. Much of the crew laughed along
with the jokes… and even Dennis chuckled at bit. Problem
was that the rookie continued on… and wandered over
an “invisible” line.
Without
warning Dennis suddenly slammed him into the lockers
with a choking forearm to his throat. The crew shut-up…
the shocked rookie struggled, squirmed, and apologized…
and a few awkward moments later order was restored.
But
the question still remains… was risking an all-out fight with a larger younger firefighter
worth the risk?
Dennis
thought so. There was a direct challenge to his authority
and doing nothing would have eroded and damaged his
standing with the crew. He needed to act quickly reestablished
who giving orders and who was taking them. Dennis was
willing to risk death or permanent injury to “protect
future loss”.
It’s
important remember that the young rookie could have
fought back fiercely. Even a fight that starts with
playful banter can end in permanent injury or death.
With that in mind, go through a list of scenarios and
predetermine situations in which you would fight. Protecting
loved ones is clearly something most guys are willing
to risk fighting for. Protecting “future loss” is not
always as clear.
3.
Who
will suffer if I do nothing?
Most guys
understand that there can be serious consequences to
fighting, but what about doing nothing? First of all,
the phrase “doing nothing” sounds as if you’re an invisible
man making no decision at all – allowing the winds of
fates to simply roam the universe freely. Wrong -- don’t
fall into that quicksand.
As
it pertains to fighting “doing nothing” is an active
decision to not challenge another person. Doing nothing
IS a decision… not the absence of one. You’re simply
choosing to do nothing.
Sometimes
doing nothing is a great decision… sometimes
not.
Start
breaking down certain situations, determining where
“doing nothing” is wise or when it could get you or
loved ones hurt of killed. What if an adversary is holding
a family member hostage? “Doing something” -- such as
hastily charging the hostage-taker -- may get your loved
one (or you) killed. But what if he then attempts to
pull them into a car? Well, few people return alive
from that kind of abduction, so doing nothing is not
a great option.
Start
breaking down and categorizing those gray areas into
on/off switches or “triggers”. Black or white. Yes or no. Go or no-go.
4. Who am I responsible for?
Another
thing to consider is who will be affected by you being
permanently injured or killed in a fight. I’m trying
to give a wake up call here. I had a friend – a big
guy – who played “John Wayne” and broke up a fight between
two little guys -- both of whom wanted to fight. His
reward for getting involved? He had the ligaments of
his knee completely torn apart by a kick.
Turns
out that one of the “little” guys was a Muay
Thai kickboxer.
In
the end my friend had to undergo many painful surgeries
and the loss of his job. If you asked him today if getting
involved was worth it he’d answer -- without pause --
“no.” It was poor decision because the fight was between
two people who wanted to fight. It wasn’t a good choice
to get involved.
Remember
that your decision will affect your entire family.
5. When is protecting my personal freedom important to me?
Okay… I’m
not talking about fighting Communism here. Let me give
you an example. You’re sitting at a coffee shop with
your family when some punk approaches and says that
“that table is my favorite. You’d better move.”
I
personally know a LOT of guys
who’d fight in that scenario. But, let’s give a little
twist to this. Let’s say the same punk approached you
with a GUN in hand while demanding that you move from
the table. Suddenly, retaining that table doesn’t seem
so important, does it?
Well,
that’s the way you’ve got to start looking at this.
How did you know in the first scenario that the man
wasn’t armed? You don’t. Now, there’s no right or wrong
answer here. I only want you to consider why you wouldn’t
give up that table in one situation, but you would in
another.
Now,
we are by nature social animals, so saving face and
protecting your personal freedoms may be extremely important
at times. But let me give you another example.
My
son’s 14-year-old friend “Bobby” was confronted by a
bully on a number occasions
and decided that running and telling the authorities
was the thing to do. It got the bully and some of his
friends suspended from school, which made them very
angry. The result was more harassment and threats --
which led to yet another suspension from school. That
got them even MORE angry…
which led them to harass even more… Okay, I’ll bet you’re
getting the idea.
This
situation had escalated so far out of control that it
soon became clear to Bobby he could be hurt or killed
– especially considering that many of today’s young
people are willing to use lethal violence. So, was the
initial choice not to fight the right one? Well, only
Bobby can answer that one. It’s not always clear cut.
This is another example of “protecting future loss”.
- Am
I willing to hurt this person?
I don’t
ask this to create a sense of bravado (“you’re
damn right I’ll hurt him”) but to help you with
the instant decisions you’ve got to make during a confrontation.
In a dangerous street confrontation, if you answer
“no” to this question then your plan had better be to
escape. Because how can you possibly “commit” to kind
of “disregard for his well-being” that’s required to
win a street fight. You
can’t. And since this is a “dangerous street
confrontation” I wouldn’t use “control and constrain
tactics” in this scenario unless you have a damn good
reason – like you’re a cop making an arrest or something.
On
the other hand if your answer “yes,” then you can move
forward with your plan of attack.
And
finally, if you’re answer is “I dunno”,
then is sounds like you’re deciding to “do nothing”
– which means you’ll be unable to commit to running
or fighting. This is the worst of all positions
to be in.
In
the end, having clearly defined Internal Triggers allows
you to build pre-determine decision points on what you’d
do in certain situations. Have your parachute prepared
before you get on the plane. This is the key to opening
the door on a new sense of confidence.
Til next time…
Dr. Russ Horine
Prez, Fight-Fast.com
“If you have a strong enough ‘why’
you can bear almost any ‘how’.”
– Nietzshe
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